The Daily Daydreamer

Call it what you want..

2010-11-11T00:11:00.004Z

A lie is a lie, be it an actual untruth or just the omission of truth. Nobody likes being lied to, by anyone, be it family, friend, mere aquaintance or even a random stranger.

I'm not going to paint myself as whiter than white here, I lie at times myself, I think we all do, sometimes it's just the easiest way. But the easiest way really is not always the best.

I do have a point to this, I promise.

A few months ago, around Easter I think it was, I found out someone very close to me had gotten engaged. La di da, congratulations etc. Or at least you'd think so. Except that the only reason I found out is because this person had put it up on their Facebook page.

I still haven't been officially told. The person in question knows I know, and STILL hasn't contacted me to firstly, apologize, and secondly, tell me in person.

Why should they apologize? Well, I am their daughter, and finding out about a new step-mommy-to-be on Facebook of all places isn't exactly ideal.

I can't honestly say I'm hugely surprised, knowing this person and how they've been ever since I can remember. I'm not even hurt, I'm surprisingly apathetic towards the whole situation. I even wish them the best.

I just hope they let me know in time for the wedding. So I can buy a hat. And stuff.

Wasting time

2010-08-25T01:27:00.002+01:00

Have you ever known you're pursuing something that just will not work, or isn't worth it? And, even though you know all that, do you do it anyway, because it's easier than not?

There's a little bit of comfort everytime the phone beeps. No thrill, no heartbeat that catches in your chest. But that comfort is enough to make you pick it up, make you smile a little bit, and with that smile you can fool yourself for a moment, almost make yourself believe that it means a little bit more than it really does.

Maybe it's just me. Or maybe we've all done it at one point or another. Because anyone is better than no-one, after all, right? Someone paying us attention is better than believing that nobody could be bothered.

I don't know what I'm doing. I know how I feel, and I know how I want to feel, and I know that the two aren't the same. I know that it's unfair, but whether it's to myself or someone else, I'm not entirely sure.

And if it's a case of two people getting comfort from each other 'in the meantime' - is it such a bad thing?

Strangers..just a friend you haven't met?

2010-08-12T14:28:00.003+01:00

Don't talk to strangers. Don't take sweets from them. If someone in a car stops to ask for directions, stand well back, and if in doubt, scream and run as fast as your little legs can go.

We all heard it as children, when our parents were reluctantly releasing us into the big bad world on our own. We lived by those rules, mostly.

I know I did, I just didn't know how deeply those things had stuck in my mind. What makes me think of it today is something that happened to me on the way home from a friend's last night. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing threatening in the slightest.

I was getting into the lift to go home, when an older man (I'd say maybe in his early 70's, though I'm awful with ages) popped his head around his door and came out to say hello. I found it odd, especially since it was quite late, a little after midnight, but being the polite person that I am, I didn't immediately jump into the waiting lift and leave. He shook my hand, which is fine, but then wouldn't let it go. Naturally, I was uncomfortable with this. He chatted to me for a while, and I could tell he'd had a few, and since I'm not a fan of being around people who've been drinking (while sober!), I tried my damndest to get away from him. He invited me in to his apartment for coffee, and offered to show me the cowskin rug his ex-girlfriend had bought him. He then hastened to add, a few times, that there was no 'badness' meant by it, that he wasn't a dodgy guy.

I told him I was going home, he kissed my head (argh!) and finally let me leave. But it left me wondering. In today's society, where everyday there's some story or other about a rape, a murder, peadophiles etc, do we really see everyone as a threat? Was, who I'll admit I saw as a creepy old man, really just a lonely soul, reaching out for some company, a chat and a smile, maybe a few laughs, and no harm at all? The exchange only lasted roughly ten minutes, if even, but I actually felt threatened, and very uncomfortable.

I just think it's a sad way to be, and I doubt I'm the only person who feels like this. Long gone are the days of leaving the front door open for neighbours to pop around, of leaving car doors unlocked, of letting children out to play in the morning and only calling them back in the evenings, without checking in on them every five minutes. Have things gotten so bad that an older man can't stop to have a chat with a younger girl without her doubting and double doubting any ulterior motives he may have? Well...judging from how I felt in the situation, I guess they have. Pity that.

Hugely insignificant

2010-05-28T11:50:00.002+01:00

I lied.

I'm not the same person I was this time last year, not even close. Speaking to a new friend, very candidly, and openly, last night, made me realise this. Well..it wasn't even so much the speaking, or even the subject, but simply the fact that I COULD speak about things, so easily and without doubt. This time last year, I couldn't have done that. I may have wanted to, and I may very well have needed to, but I wouldn't have.

The walls that I thought would rebuild themselves when I had nobody there anymore to break them and keep them down, are still, surprisingly, nowhere to be seen. I'm still not an open book, but I'm not bound as tightly.

I feel more at ease with myself. If I feel like crap, I'll let myself. In the same respect, if I feel awesome, that's ok too. Such a small thing to come to terms with, but it's taken me 21 years to get to it. Huge insignificant changes like that.

I lied.

I'm not the same person I was this time last year.

I'm better.

Unanswered Promises

2010-05-20T00:21:00.004+01:00

Very little hurts as much as a broken promise. From someone else. From yourself. I made my promises, and I meant my promises. But now, I fear I just cannot keep my promises.

I made them mostly to myself, and I lived for them during the worst times. They were my motivation, they were the reason I made myself get out of bed in the morning, and function, as well as I could. But what do you do when you realise that you were possibly lying to yourself? That, as great as it sounded, what you were trying to do just wasn't as easy as you thought it would be, maybe not even as possible as you'd hoped it would be.

How do you build a new relationship from the broken foundations of the old one?

And, hand in hand with the promises that I fear I'm breaking, are all the questions that I can't ask. Questions that I don't want the answers to, because they won't be the ones I want to hear. Questions that don't need to be asked, because in asking them, old wounds are reopened.

It's the questions that do the damage. Answered, and unasked.

I don't know what the point of this post is, really. More half healing hearted ramblings I suppose.

Balancing act

2010-05-19T05:37:00.003+01:00

Monday, 10th of May, 2010. The day when I stood between Life and Death, and finally, chose Life.

Sounds dramatic, doesn't it? I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, it really wasn't. I'm not the first, and I certainly wont be the last person to walk along that thin line between the two, and on a different day, I may have made a different decision.

I'm conflicted as to whether publishing this on my blog is a good idea. Part of me thinks that I shouldn't, that putting just how low, and how desperate I let myself feel out there is just showing a really weak part of myself that I don't want people to know about. Like I've said before, I'm supposed to be tough, I'm supposed to be strong, I'm supposed to get over life's knocks, and keep on smiling throughout. I always have done before.

The other part of me is, in a strange way, proud of myself. I said no. Admittedly, only to myself, and there was nobody around to see it, but in my most desperate moment, when the world was only dark and cold, when I felt like I'd been rejected by everyone around me (and believe me, looking back now with different eyes, I know I hadn't, but I wasn't seeing clearly then), I still chose Life. When escape from the feelings I was having, those seemingly inescapable feelings, was just a few quick flicks of the wrist away, and I could see it, in my mind, how easy it would be, compared to how difficult going on would be, I still said no.

It's not much to be proud of. Staying, and dealing with myself, by myself, instead of taking the 'easy' option, and letting my loved ones deal with the aftermath. It's not much.

Strangely, since that day, the day when Nothing happened, I've gotten a lot more of myself back. The girl who I used to be, before the end, and before the beginning, is coming back. I let myself change over the year. I'm taking the blame fully, I changed, and it was my own doing. But now, I think I'm more like the girl I was this time last year. A year older, yes, and definitely a few years wiser.

Dream Journal - Entry #1

2010-05-06T23:42:00.002+01:00

So, I've decided to start a dream journal, and the most natural place to do it seemed to be here, where I'm least likely to lose it, and where, hopefully, someone who knows something about dreams and how to analyse them MAY see it and shed some light on the mixed up visions in my head.

So, dream number one occurred the night of May 5th, 2010.

I'm in this big bargain shop, and I'm buying a toothbrush (which for some reason I try before buying, gross) and I'm looking for toothpaste, but they're charging like 16e for it so I refuse to buy it. There's a mirror that catches my eye, so I pick it up, bring it to the cashier, and despite it being marked 16.99e, he tries to charge me 60e for it. So I argue with him that he has to sell it at the price shown, regardless of value, he agrees, I happily take my purchases out to my car.

(I don't drive, so the fact that I have a car is strange. Explained by my desire to learn HOW to drive though)

So, I'm on the phone to someone who was very close to me once upon a time but isn't so close these days, but in the dream we still are. They're in my apartment, and I'm driving home to them. The store where I was shopping is, in reality, only about a five minute drive from my home. But for some reason, this drive was never ending. No matter how far I drove, I was not getting any closer to my home, or to this person.

As the dream progressed, I came to realise that for some reason, even though I was driving, and in the dream I was aware of how good at it I was, my gear stick was in the wrong place. On the wrong side. Which was how I came to realise that I was in the passenger seat of my car, driving along but not getting anywhere.

This is where the dream ends. I'm not a bit confused by it, more perplexed. I know the whole driving to someone but never getting any closer is how I feel in my relationship with someone right now, and, as easily as I could, I'm not getting into how I know this here. This blog has sadly ceased to be a place for COMPLETE honesty and openness.
The 'driving but in the passenger seat' to me reflects on how I've been feeling towards life lately, in the sense that I'm living for everyone but myself. It's hard for me to explain that theory, but it makes sense to me.

Anyway..I don't need any help in analysing this dream, because it makes a ridiculous amount of sense to me. I don't like it, and I don't like that I'm having dreams involving the subject, and any theories or advice on how to stop it would be very welcome!

Who's life is it anyway?

2010-05-05T14:42:00.000+01:00

A thought struck me last night as I was on the way home from a night out with a close friend. It’s been with me since, and try as I might, I can’t shake it.

I’ve become increasingly aware that I live my life for the other people that are in it. I’m almost certain I’m not the only person to do this, but since I don’t want to presume, or generalise, I’m thinking about it in the first person, specifically.

Anything I do, or try, or think about, I apply to others. I want to do a dressmaking course, and while yes, partly, I want to do it so I can make lovely, pretty things for myself, the motivation behind it is making things for other people, so they can say ‘oh yeah, so and so made this, isn’t it great?’ and also just so I can say that I’ve done it, and wait for other’s reactions. This isn’t the only example of specific things, but I don’t have the inclination to list them all. It’s not narcicism on my part either, I think it’s a constant search for validation.

But it’s not just specific times in my life that I’ve found myself doing this. It’s how I live in general. I’m the type of person who likes, almost needs, to have someone else to revolve around, and to base my life around. It’s entirely unhealthy, unfair to myself, and unfair to whoever I find to act this way with. Because, unfortunately, life is unpredictable, and we can never know what’s around the next corner. So in the blink of an eye, the person or people you choose to revolve around are gone, and then where are you?

The frustrating part to this is, now that I’ve fully realised that this is how I am, what do I do to change it? How do you change a fundamental part of yourself? I’ve heard everything that can be said about it, I’ve said them all myself, and it makes for a great little speech, but how do you make yourself believe what you’re saying?

I’ve said it to people who’ve expressed the same kind of problem to me. I was very certain that the only way to live is to live for yourself, because surely if you can’t be happy by yourself, and with yourself, then you can’t fully be happy with anyone else because you’re depending on them to be your happiness, which is a terrible way to be because if and when that person leaves, as they are likely to do, then you’re back to the beginning and unhappy by, and with yourself again.
I know what I need to do is start doing things for myself, seeing the benefit things might have for ME and me only, and not for others. Not selfishly, if things I do benefit others in some roundabout way , then even better, but it shouldn’t be my only motivation.

But again, I have to ask. How do you do that?

How do I figure out how to live for myself?

Because, really, what’s the point otherwise

Knife edge..

2010-03-25T16:59:00.002Z

People think I'm not the worrying type. By 'people', I mean my family, the ones that should know me best. They think I'm so laid back I'm almost horizontal, and I don't get worked up over things.

They're wrong. I just keep it to myself sometimes. Sometimes I can't, and it leads to episodes, with me freaking out and falling apart and needing to be put back together again.

I worry. I worry a lot, about a lot of things. At the moment though, what's at the front of my mind, is my mother. Tomorrow, she goes into hospital for surgery, on her throat. I'm ridiculously worried about her (not that she knows, or if she does, she doesn't acknowledge it...it's just not how we do things).

I'm trying to convince myself NOT to worry, that surely it's better for her to get this surgery NOW than further down the line when it could be worse, when it might be more painful or more difficult. That it's a good thing. That it'll make her better.

But it's SURGERY. In my head, it's big. I'm lucky in that I've never had to really deal with illness in my family. That's not that there has never been illness in my family but I was younger and didn't have to deal with it because I really didn't understand what was happening. Now, I do, all too much. I've never had to deal with proper, serious surgery though. It terrifies me, if I'm honest.

It's not just the seriousness of surgery that scares me, it's the person who's having it. My mother. It's no secret that my mother is my rock, my stability when anything and everything else is shaky or falling apart. I would be ill and go to hospital and have surgery or whatever ten times, a million times over, just so she wouldn't have to do it once. I'd rather take the risk of surgery than have her even have to contemplate it. I can deal with the thoughts of myself being seriously ill far easier than having to deal with her being ill. (I'm aware that there's something oddly selfish about that but hey, it's how I feel.)

I'd really like to just fast forward to a month from now, when, all going well (and all HAS to go well, it really just HAS to), she'll be home, and recovered, almost, if not completely, and everything can go back to normal, but with her well, and my biggest complaint being work again.

I'm not the religious type, so I'll be sending all my positive vibes to her. If you're the praying kind, please, keep her in your prayers. If you're not, then please, just even spare a positive thought for her, if you remember.

Finished Picture : Bambi and Fleur :)

2010-02-28T17:42:00.004Z

Unframed, one for storing..

It's only history..

2010-02-28T01:17:00.007Z

I love playing tourist. It's something I don't do often enough. Sadly, in the grand scheme of life, it's just not that important.

But today, I got to play tourist. My playground? Kilmainham Gaol.

I've been there before, of course, but as a child, and I really didn't understand what I was hearing, or seeing. Growing up, I was always told about Irish history, from 1916 on mostly, and so, had an interest in it. It was one of the only sections of history in school that held my attention. (I'm a firm believer of what's in the past should stay there, usually)

It was different today. Today, I fully understood what I was seeing, and where I was. Reading letters from long dead men to their wives, walking along the freezing, eerie corridors and peeking through the doors of the bare cells, I really got a sense of life back then. It was all too easy to visualise the awful conditions the prisoners were forced to deal with, sometimes for the pettiest of crimes.

Hearing names, and being told of events past, sitting in a warm classroom is one thing, but actually, physically seeing the names, seeing the cells, it's a completely different experience.

As I progressed around the Gaol, I watched the non-Irish visitors, seeing our history through new eyes, hearing about everything for the first time, and wondered what they thought. It's by no means a pleasant history, it's bloody, and violent. Nothing I heard was new to me, and what was interesting to me and captured me the first time I heard it, are the same things that captured me today. I have the same opinions on it, though perhaps a better understanding.

There are some definite tugs on the heartstrings as you walk around. The last words of men sentenced to death for fighting for what they believed in. A yard, an excercise yard, for children, some as young as 8, sentenced to months in prison for stealing a shawl to keep them warm. Cold, bare cells, where men, women, and children were forced to live for the smallest of crimes.

And of course, for anyone who's visited, I think they'll agree, the most memorable part of the tour is in the yard, where the executions happened. Two small crosses to mark where men lost their lives. It's colder here than in any other part of the prison, and the romantic part of me liked to believe it was the ghosts of the soldiers, still with us (you can blame the late hour for that one..)

It's OUR history. It can't be changed, and it can't be taken away from us. We take it for granted. But, when we have such places, on our doorsteps, to visit, and remember, it's such a shame not to.

Finished Picture : Faerie :)

2010-02-19T14:06:00.003Z

Have done loads of pictures to date, have decided to stick pics up here when I'm done with them!

This is a faerie I made for my mum (cross-stitched)

Life is..

2010-02-18T01:25:00.002Z

Simple pleasures

2010-02-16T19:46:00.004Z

It's the simple things that I love the most. A warm bed, especially on a cold night, after a long day. A gossipy, giggly phone call that lasts hours. A hug from my mummy when I'm feeling sad. A picnic on the beach with my fantastic boyfriend.

I think we forget to take pleasure in the smaller things in life. Sure, the big gestures, the events, they're great, and they're lovely, but it's the smaller, everyday things that should make us smile. They're what we'd miss most if they were gone.

So, take pleasure in the simple things. Enjoy an embrace from a friend, a smile from a stranger, all those kinds of things. They're what make life bearable.

Happy Love Day

2010-02-15T00:43:00.002Z

Here's hoping that anyone who celebrated Valentine's Day had a fantastic day, filled with love, laughter and smiles. I know I did.

Song of the week - Northern Downpour

2010-02-13T02:08:00.001Z

If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me

And then she said she can't believe
Genius only comes along
In storms of fabled foreign tongues
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs
Northern downpour sends its love

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely

The ink is running toward the page
It's chasin' off the days
Look back at boat feet
And that winding knee
I missed your skin when you were east
You clicked your heels and wished for me

Through playful lips made of yarn
That fragile Capricorn
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves
I know the world's a broken bone
But melt your headaches, call it home

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely
[x3]

Sugarcane (hey moon) in
(Hey moon) the easy mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my
(Hey moon) one and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely

[Continues in background:]
Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn

Good morning, sunshine..

2010-02-13T01:55:00.002Z

'Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.'

Word of the week? Positivity. Too much of our time is spent having negative thoughts. I'm a culprit of this. I am possibly the most negative person I know.

It is so much easier to be negative. Positivity takes up so much more energy, because it's harder to do. A frown will always come before a smile. A shake before a nod. A sigh before a laugh.

But this negativity has such an impact, on me, and the people around me. I've seen this, and it's not fun to watch. Pessimistic by nature, I will always see the dark side of everything, and be swallowed by it, if I let myself.

But if I expect the worst, that's all I'll get, right? If I expect disappointment, then how can I ever be anything but disappointed? Negativity breeds negativity.

So, from now on, it's yes, instead of no. It's light instead of dark. Hopefully.

outlook

2010-02-13T01:52:00.002Z

'For everything you have missed, you have gained something else ; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. It is about your outlook towards life.

You can either regret or rejoice.'

2010-02-11T15:11:00.002Z

(via debsylee's posterous )

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-02-11T00:25:00.002Z

As we get older, and our lives move forward, naturally, inevitably, we encounter changes. Some big, some small, some that alter us completely, and some that don't have any impact at all.

I've been through some changes in the last 6 months or so, and while some are great (new place to live, new relationship starting to form with the paternal, a new romance..), some are not so..(loss of friends, distancing of some relationships, etc etc).

Like I said before, these changes are probably just part of life's natural progression. After all, if nothing changed, then everything would stay the same and we'd never move forward, right?

But recently, I've started to notice a change in myself, and I really don't like it. I'm a much more negative person than I was maybe a year ago. I don't find the fun in things as easily, I find myself getting irked regularly, over the tiniest of things. I don't like it, and, as hard as I try to fight it, I can't seem to get a hold on it. I've voiced these concerns, and been told that I haven't changed as much as I think I have, but there's a little voice in my head saying 'yes you have!! mwahaha you havvveee!'

There's much more I could say about this, and lots more that I want to say, but I feel this isnt an appropriate place...so this'll do. A weak attempt at my first personal blog post since christmas, but hey, ya gotta start somewhere!

101 Things

2010-02-08T12:51:00.010Z

So, from 3 things, to 101 things. Bit of a jump, but here goes. I can't promise this'll be interesting, but it'll be informative..

1. I am an only child.

2. I had 3 step-sisters for about a year, but not anymore.

3. I have 4 tattoos (or 6, depending on how you look at it..) with plans for more.

4. I don't like my job, but refuse to leave.

5. I'm quite a solitary person at times, and just need to be left alone.

6. I, apparently, have strangely flexible legs, and the way I sit freaks a lot of people out.

7. One of my 'party tricks' is bending the tips of all of my fingers, at the same time, without touching them.

8. I can cook about 4 dishes, and refuse to learn anymore, as I hate cooking.

9. I have had blue hair, pink hair, red hair, black hair, auburn hair, and brown hair.

10. I started learning to read at age 2, and am still a bookworm to this day.

11. I read, on average, about 3 books a week.

12. I aspire to be an ice skater, despite being scarily clumsy, and having a hatred of ice (and no rhythm)

13. I hate my upper arms, so wear a cardi with everything

14. I love vampires more than a person should.

15. I cannot stand the sight of blood, it makes me feel faint and want to be sick.

16. The same goes for puke.

17. I sing, constantly.

18. I'm a complete twitter-aholic, I'm only short of sleep-tweeting.

19. I love my mummy more than anyone else in the world.

20. I have more girl crushes than boy crushes.

21. I'm a total Gleek

22. I'm the messiest person ever.

23. I speak in a culchie accent a lot of the time, without meaning to.

24. I have a thing for foreign languages. They make me go all weak at the knees.

25. I am terrified of children. I just don't know what to make of them.

26. I am also terrified of leprechauns.

27. I have no huge dreams of getting married, but I have my bridal party's outfits and my dress designed, in detail, in my head.

28. Similarly, I am terrified of children, but I have my baby names picked out.

29. I am extremely insecure.

30.My middle names are Sarah-Marie and for years, I wanted to change my name to that.

31. All three dogs that I have owned in my past were declared 'gorgeous' but 'cracked' by their vets.

32. I have to have access to the time, at ALL times. I don't always have to know it, but if I don't have a way of finding out, I freak out.

33.I have an intense dislike for Cavan and Louth.

34.The only plant I have never successfully killed is my cactus, Rosalie.

35.I name everything, including my tongue bar (it's called Oscar)

36.The worst thing (apart from like..murder) that I think someone can do to you is cheat on you. I have absolutely no forgiveness for this, at all.

37. I have a bad habit of not saying what I think, and dwelling on it.

38. I get pissed off very easily, and then forget about it quickly.

39. But I do hold grudges, and once I have a grudge with someone, it is nearly impossible for me to forget about it.

40.I hate, loathe, and detest feet. Even my own. Well, one of them, one is acceptable.

41. I dislike cigarettes, and smoking, but do resort to it when very stressed.

42. I have a scar on my forehead, that I got when I smacked my head off concrete years ago. I grew my fringe over it to cover it.

43. Among my biggest pet peeves are: Text speak, spitting, and self important people.

44.I cannot swim, and am terrified to learn. My biggest fear is drowning.

45. I also cannot ride a bike, use rollerskates, or drive. Wheels and I don't get on very well.

46. I danced in an Irish bollywood film once. I was not seen in the finished film, thank goodness!

47. I cannot give away, or throw away, books. It's wrong, and makes the baby Jesus cry.

48. I used to attend Irish dancing lessons but quit after a few weeks because the teacher 'hit' me (and I wasn't really very good at it) I only joined to get the shoes.

49. I am a strong believer in Karma, and HAVE seen it at work.

50. I also believe in mediums, and fortune tellers. Which can be a very bad thing, sometimes.

51. I'm very easily stressed.

52. I'm also easily scared, and am constantly scaring myself.

53. I always feel slightly conceited when I say I live in a penthouse :/

54. I get far too involved in other people's dramas.

55. I'm very loyal.

56. I'm finding it very difficult to find 101 things to say about myself, never mind 101 INTERESTING things.

57. I cannot stand birds, especially pigeons. Unfortunately, they always seem to find me, and attack.

58. I get easily obsessed with things.

59. I hate all vegetables, apart from sugar snap peas (my limit is 5) - they make me gag.

60. I love writing, and can spend hours making up stories.

61. I far prefer actual pen to paper letters than e-mails or texts.

62. I love getting post - even if it's junk mail.

63. Everyday, I get a little bit more like my mother, and I actually don't mind.

64. I have a very dirty sense of humour, and can find filth in almost anything.

65. I constantly find myself chatting to myself while walking. And arguing.

66. The first medal I got in school was for playing the recorder. A skill I failed to maintain once I left.

67. I can spend hours sewing pictures - my current one is a faerie for my mother.

68. My socks never match.

69. I just laughed at the number 69.

70. I get urges to go to the beach at the oddest of times, but never do.

71. I constantly read things on failbook or sites like that and think 'ha that's something I'd do!'

72. I get excited when I see secrets that I identify with on Postsecret.

73. I trust people until they give me a reason not to, instead of having them earn it.

74. One of my biggest flaws is putting walls up between myself and other people.

75. I hate my nose.

76. I have a strange habit of thinking I'm in Dublin, even when I'm not in Ireland. Example - I was in Paris once, but in my head, I was still in Dublin, (and yes, everyone was speaking french..)

77. I once had a murderous hamster, called Jemima. She murdered her hamster husband, Jerry, in a fit of passion one night, and ripped out his eye.

78. I asked my mother if Santa was real, and was devastated when she told me the truth. I was 11 at the time...

79. My parents told me that all of my dead pets (hamsters and goldfish) were buried at the Pope's Cross in the Pheonix Park. Only recently have I been able to come to terms with the fact that they lied.

80. When listening to music, I have a strange habit of pretending I'm the person singing, and picturing myself as them, on stage. This is not gender specific.

81. I have a tendancy to make up words, and not realise I've done it.

82. I have no knowledge of dublin geography, despite having lived here all my life.

83. I say the words 'actually' , 'basically', 'stress', 'rage', and 'sadface' way too much. Basically.

84. My favourite fairground ride is the Waltzers, I adore them.

85. I would love to have a pet lion or tiger.

86. I once, successfully, convinced my supervisor to let me have a 'chipstick break', because everyone else was getting smoke breaks.

87. Everytime a Guard walks into my workplace, I'm convinced they're there to arrest me. I'm not guilty of any crimes.

88. I almost turned myself nocturnal the summer I was 16.

89. I love bruises, and get stupidly excited when I get one.

90. I refuse to open presents in front of people.

91. I once had a birthday cake with 2 penises on it. They were subsequently eaten by two of the only males at the party.

92. I was once told I'd make a great lesbian, if I wasn't straight.

93. I swear too much.

94. I often get referred to as 'Diz', 'Dizzy', or 'Daisy'. Daisy is a childhood nickname from my mother, and also my favourite flower. Dizzy is just how I am ;)

95. One of my tattoos is a swirly anklet, ending with a daisy. The anklet was to represent some of my favourite books, the daisy was for my mother.

96. I'm very shy when I meet new people, which unfortunately can be seen as being stand-offish.

97. I'm very good at pretending to like people I don't.

98. I used to know all of Steps' dance routines. Shamed.

99. I'm getting very excited to be nearing the end of this list.

100. I've been known to be slightly overdramatic.

101. I have no intention of EVER doing a list like this again.

3 Things..

2010-02-07T23:08:00.005Z

So, in an attempt to get me back to the blog, The Jelly Monster has tagged me in a 3 Things Meme. I hate Meme's, but I hate making her sad even more, so here goes. Sigh.

1. 3 things you love in your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Husband/Wife.
(do I tick where applicable? :P )

Ok..I don't do soppy, especially NOT on my blog, but (and these may not be the things I love most)..
I love how he never seems to lose his patience, or his temper with me, even though I'd try the patience of a saint at the best of times, and can be a right stroppy cow for no reason.
His dedication to things, and how, if he sets his mind to something, he'll get it done, regardless of how many distractions might be thrown in his way (ahem..none by me, of course)
And, just for cutes, his oh-so-adorable dimples! (he may kill me if he reads this..bwahaha)
They're the first things that came to mind, and, for the record, I don't agree with listing the ways you love someone.

3 things you love in a friend.

Ok, firstly, being able to be ridiculously silly, and have them join in, instead of looking at you like you're a few sammichs short of a picnic. If you can't be a loon with your friends, who can ya be a loon with, eh?
Complete honesty - if I look like shit, tell me. In the same respect, if I look awesome, tell me that too. If I'm acting like a monster, slap me back into place.
Being able to respect my space, and not need to constantly be there. I'm a solitary person at times, and like to shut out the world. Can't be dealing with someone who's all up in your face 24/7.

3 things you love in a book.
Only three??? Ok..

A good ending. I know it's cliched, but I hate reading a book, and feeling like you've been ripped off. Tie up the loose ends, and give me a happy ending, dammit. Unless it's a series of books, then, they have to end on a cliff-hanger. Otherwise, what's the point.

The new worlds they create. I love picking up a book and feeling physically unable to put it down until I've read every last word. And that feeling of coming back to earth when you've finished.
And strangely...the dependability of a book. The story is never going to change, no matter how long you have it, or how often or little you read it.

3 things you love in a movie

Humour...but proper, intelligent humour, none of this 'man gets hit by shovel, man falls down, oh how funny' lark. No, some sarcasm, one liners, and clever jokes, please.
Happy endings...nothing feels better than a happy ending in a film, it's just so satisfying.
And of course, just to be shallow, a totally hot leading man / lady (I'm not fussy when it comes to my eye candy ;P)

3 things you love in a blog.

Humour - again, if a blog can make me laugh, or even crack a smile, I'll be more likely to return. I don't wanna read a blog that bores me.
Also, I wanna get an idea of the writer when I read a blog. Put some of your own personality into it! If I think I'll like you, just from reading your blog, that's a good thing!
Readability. Long passages in blogs are gonna put me right off. Keep it snappy, if I'm reading it, I probably don't have much time to read essays, I wanna know what you're saying, and quickly.
(that's just what I like, by no means am I saying that they're the only things that make a blog enjoyable)

3 things you love to talk about

Work - I love getting the chance to moan about my day!
Films and books - Especially books that have been made into films...
Myself and the people around me

3 things you love to do in your free time

Sleep (exciting, ooh)
Read or watch DVDs - either alone or with company
Sew (yes, I am an old woman, masquerading as a 21 year old)

3 things you love to eat/drink.

Coke (I have a serious problem, but I'm working to get it under control)
Chicken (they say you are what you eat. I hope not - I'm terrified of birds!)
Soup!

3 things you would love to happen in your life.

To find my dream, and make it come true.
To see everyone I love set up for life, truly happy, and loved. That would, in turn, make me happy.
To wake up one day and have turned into Hayley Williams (or at least LOOK like her!)

I'm not going to tag anyone, but it's actually not a bad meme, so sure, give it a try! It'll kill 15 minutes, if nothing else!

2009-12-06T18:11:00.000Z

Ring out the bells

2009-11-30T21:21:00.004Z

Why do you constantly let me down? You would think I'd be used to it by now. Well, I am, but it still gets to me, a tiny bit, each time it happens. I don't know, maybe I think you've let me down so much in the past that you really couldn't do it anymore.

Ha. How wrong was I?

I don't know why you felt the need to lie. Or, if not lie, just NOT tell me. I honestly don't care what you do with your life, you don't need to avoid telling me. I'm not going to react badly. I probably wont react much at all. Apathetic.

I do feel sorry for her though. She's probably a lovely girl. She doesn't know what she's letting herself in for. You've probably fooled her too. Does she even really know about me? ALL about me, I mean, not just my existence.

You're by no means on your own in this. You're not the first one to let me down. I've been emotionally bruised quite a lot lately. It's quite possibly why this doesn't get me down like it should. I've stopped expecting anything from anyone.

But ring your bells, walk your aisle, and throw your flowers. I won't be there to watch. Not that it matters, you haven't missed me so far, have you?

Quick Review: Twilight Saga's New Moon

2009-11-20T13:35:00.006Z

It's fair to say, that after the monstrosity of an adaptation that was 'Twilight', I was fairly apprehensive about 'New Moon'. While I love 'Twilight' as a standalone film, it misses many of the elements that make the book so appealing. I could rant about the smaller details that were missed that would have truly enhanced the film for fans, but I won't. This review is not about 'Twilight'.

'New Moon' was, in a word, amazing. It had everything it was supposed to, and more. Chris Weitz really did everything that Catherine Hardwick failed to do. It was, simply, the book, on screen.

It's hard to know if it was because of better directing, or just a familiarity with the roles that they didn't have in 'Twilight', but the actors portrayed the characters much better, and it was far easier to see them as the characters we love from the book (in 'Twilight', while the names were the same, the emotions and traits just..weren't there.). They were more comfortable in the roles, and that came across on screen.

I was worried about how the wolf pack, and more specifically, the actual wolves would be created, but I needn't have been. They were exactly as I had pictured..perhaps more frightening. (I'd go on about CGI or whatever you call it...if I knew anything about that type of thing!) There isn't a huge amount of screen time for the wolves in 'New Moon', so I am really excited about 'Eclipse', which should feature them a lot more.

The film also gives us our first glimpse of the Volturi, the royal family and lawkeepers of the vampire world. Being so used to the Cullens, how friendly, and good they are, meeting the Volturi shows us really just how menacing and dangerous their world is. Michael Sheen as Aro was fantastic. He played the role perfectly...I cannot praise him enough.

There's very little I can say without ruining it (though really, as was pointed out to me, all you need to do is read the book to know what the film is like)...it truly was amazing, and I would recommend it to EVERYONE. Go see it. Do it. Do it NOW!

21 years (almost)

2009-11-05T01:33:00.002Z

How fast it goes...

Skip about 8 years that I can find NO pictures from..

Not just me?

2009-11-04T21:21:00.001Z

I'm a daughter through a text.

Playing dress up

2009-11-04T20:41:00.003Z

Sometimes, I hate being a grown up. As grown ups go, I'm still relatively childish, but sometimes I just wish I was an actual child again, with no responsibilites, no job. When your best friend is for life, boys are icky, and school is the biggest worry in your life.

Being a grown up, of course, has it's advantages. But sometimes I miss having the decisions made for me, having someone there to take care of me. Like, proper care. Making sure I'm fed everyday, putting me to bed at a decent hour and tucking me in. The things I resented most back then are the things I miss the most now.

And, the more I think about it, the more I realise that really, I am still a child, a child that's playing dress up, dressing up as a grown up. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm going through life blindly, hoping I make the right decisions, build the right relationships, make the right choices. I think I'm doing ok so far, but I'm terrified that I'll mess it up. Those worries didn't exist when I was a child. Being a child was blissfully ignorant.

They say youth is wasted on the young. And I'm coming to understand that.

2009-10-25T13:54:00.000Z

Belly Laughs # 2 - C.R.C. Comedy Show

2009-10-18T23:29:00.008+01:00

What? : C.R.C. Comedy Show

Where?: Olympia Theatre

When? : Thursday 15th October, 2009

M.Cd by Des Bishop, the C.R.C. Comedy Show got off to a great start, and the standard really didn't drop throughout the night. With such an exciting line-up, expectations were high, and we weren't disappointed. With 15 acts, featuring some of the biggest names in Irish Comedy, mixing with some of the lesser known, it was a great blend, and everyone left with their sides hurting.

The show featured the comedic brilliance of Des Bishop, Ian Coppinger, Marcus Bergman, Colin Murphy, Willie White, Maeve Higgins and Colm O' Regan. After a 20 minute interval (and some confusion), Dead Cat Bounce started us off again, followed by Neil Delamere, Dermot Whelan, Elenor Tiernan, Dublin Improv (with Ian C., Dermot Whelan, Joe Rooney, and Paul Tylak), Damian Clark, Eric Lalor and last, but most definitaly not least, David O' Doherty.

Was impressed by almost all the acts, especially Des Bishop, Ian Coppinger and Colin Murphy opening the show brilliantly. I was not so amused by Marcus Bergman, Willie White or Colm O' Regan during the first half. It's not that they weren't funny, the laughs all around me could dispute that, they just weren't my style. I was also surprisingly disappointed by Maeve Higgins, which will come as a shock to anyone who knows about me and my girl crush on her. She wasn't playing to a crowd of her fans, and she almost died on her feet (and knew it).

The second half of the show was far more entertaining, with only Eleanor Tiernan leaving me straight faced. I've heard loads of good things about her, but I don't get it..she wasn't funny.

I think the high point of the night, for me, was Dead Cat Bounce's performance. They have quickly become a firm favourite of mine since seeing them in Kilkenny this year (followed closely by the DOD of course!)

All in all, a fantastic night, and a show I will definitely be going to again, and would urge others to go to, next year!

The Last Laugh

2009-10-18T22:26:00.003+01:00

Death. It's one of those topics that few people like to think about, or to discuss. It makes people uncomfortable. Most people don't like to be faced with their own mortality. Unfortunately, it's something we're surrounded by, day in, day out.

So, we do what we always do when faced with something that makes us uneasy, or uncomfortable. We make a joke about it, try to lighten to mood. Share the laughter. Anything is material if it's funny, right?

Hmmm.

When does the joke go too far though? When do people pause, and think, remember that the subject of that joke that they're texting / emailing / tweeting etc is a person? A real person, who has just died. Died. When do they stop, and spare a second to think about that person's family, their friends?

I would love to know why it's acceptable to send crude, vulgar and generally unfunny jokes about a person recently deceased. I know that generally, the people at the heart of these 'jokes' are people in the public eye (most recent examples, of course, being Michael Jackson, and our own Stephen Gately). Sure ordinary people just aren't as interesting, are they?
But, regardless, it's NOT ok. Life in the spotlight or not, death is something that should be respected. Mourned, not joked about.

I shared this opinion recently, and was told that it was 'laughter in the face of tragedy'. I just think laughing in the 'face of tragedy' and making crude jokes at the expense of someone who has just died are entirely different things.

Am I the only one who finds it disgusting, and disrespectful in the extreme? How would the people sending these jokes feel if it was THEIR loved one who had just died? Would it be ok then? I highly doubt it. I think a little compassion, and some empathy could go a long way.

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not some boring old prude who can't see the funny side of things, and my sense of humour can be as warped as the next person's. I just think that maybe, the next time you're about to hit that send button, send that 'hilariously original' joke about someone not even buried yet, you'll stop. Think. Remember that at the end of the day, a fellow human has just passed away. Maybe then, you'll change your mind?

Maybe.

2009-10-18T12:10:00.000+01:00

A note to the Past

2009-10-12T13:24:00.003+01:00

'We are just misguided ghosts, travelling endlessly. The ones we trusted the most, pushed us far away..'

I saw you, Past. Standing there, with your friends, completely oblivious to my presence. Why wouldn't you be? It's been years since we've seen each other, possibly years since you've even thought of me. You looked exactly the same as I remember, but completely different at the same time. I could see where a little bit of who I was then rubbed off on you. I like that, in some small, barely noticable way, you still have something from me with you.

I went home with tears in my eyes after seeing your face, Past. I hate myself for letting you have such an impact on me, still, after all this time and all the promises I've made to myself that I'm 'over it'. I'm not over it.

I think we could have been really good friends, Past. Not sisters anymore, no, but friends definitely. Remember how we made each other laugh, teased each other (ironically, about our music..you listen to my music now, watch the things I would have watched, read what I would have read..), and most importantly, how we braved the awful times together. Maybe there's just too much bad history there for you. Maybe seeing me would dredge it all back.

I hope you don't think like me, Past. I honestly hope what happened doesn't haunt you, doesn't have the power to make you cry in the dead of night. I hope that, just when you think you're doing fine, you've buried it, something doesn't come along and trip you up. I'm glad you didn't see my face. I'm glad you weren't the one who had to catch her tears amid strangers. Despite the time that's passed, I still feel far too much for you to want that.

I miss you, Past. But please, in future, could you stay there? I can't deal with facing you again.

I'm just a ghost

2009-10-10T12:24:00.001+01:00

2009-10-04T11:30:00.001+01:00

Days like this..

2009-10-04T01:43:00.007+01:00

..are just full of win!

Daisies

2009-10-01T11:56:00.001+01:00

'At evening when I go to bed
I see the stars shine overhead;
They are the little daisies white
That dot the meadows of the night

And often while I'm dreaming so,
Across the sky the moon will go!
It is a lady sweet and fair,
Who comes to gather daisies there;

For when at morning I arise,
There's not a star left in the skies;
She's picked them all and dropped them down
Into the meadows of the town'

Dreams of the dark..

2009-10-01T01:35:00.004+01:00

I keep dreaming that there are things, possessions, that I've left in the old place. Now, I know there are some things there that I've forgotten, but none of which can't be replaced. (I can't go back to it, so retrieving them isn't an option..). I don't miss them. I figure that if it wasn't important enough to remember in the first place, then it wasn't important enough to miss now.

But I keep having this dream that I'm back there, gone to get something that I left. And while I'm there, I find more and more things that I didn't know I hadn't brought with me. Silly as it is, when I wake up, I find that for just a few seconds, I want to be back in the old place, with nothing forgotten or missed.

What's that about? I was (and AM) so happy to be rid of that old place, that old neighbourhood and most importantly, the old memories. Why am I suddenly missing it now? Are the dreams purely random, coincidental and meaningless? Or, subconciously, am I telling myself that maybe I'm not as happy to be rid of it as I thought I was? I sincerely hope it's the former because the thought of having to go back to some of the memories left in the old place makes me want to weep.

I'm the type of person who believes that the past belongs in the past. Sure, revisit it every so often, that's fair enough, it's healthy to do that. I like to keep mine locked away in a little mental box, rarely opened, only occasionally sifted through. So, why now, when I so want to look forward, are my dreams forcing me to look back?

I don't like it..not one little bit.

You'll find me

2009-09-26T23:44:00.002+01:00

I'm going to get lost in this for the next few days, and live up to my gross emo kid status..

Back to basics..

2009-09-25T13:55:00.004+01:00

I remember a time when nothing escaped this blog. Anything that happened was material, I had so many different posts running around half finished in my head (and notebook) and even though my writing leaves a lot to be desired, I was still always pleased and at times even slightly excited to hit the 'publish post' button, and have it all seen.

I don't remember when that changed. I haven't written here properly in the longest time, and weeks can go by without me even thinking 'oh yeah, should really write something, anything, just to fill it out a bit..'

And it's not as though nothing's been happening. A lot has changed. A new life (almost) has started for me. Exciting changes. Things that I want to share, and yet for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to sit down and start writing about them.

I've always written about things in my life, ever since I COULD write. I moved house not so long ago (from the worst, most horrible place ever to the best!) and found a little notebook of mine. Looking inside it, I found little notes I've written to myself. The first was written aged 7 (or so) and the last was 18 or 19..so to not write is strange for me.

I've noticed that it's not just me though. The keenest of bloggers seem to be having a tough time keeping it up, or maybe they've just lost interest in it? Have we said all we have to say?

I don't think so, and I've made the decision to try harder, to keep this thing going, for myself as much as anyone else, so I can look back in a few weeks, months, maybe even years and say 'oh yeah, that's where I was then, look how much has / hasn't changed..'

So where am I now? As my mindframes go, I'm in quite a good one at the moment. Like I said above, I've moved house and that's one of the best things that could have happened. I'm still living with my mother (I couldn't leave even if I wanted to, which I don't) in a fabulous new apartment. All the old, painful memories have been left in the old place, and this is ours now to make new ones in. I'll never forget the first time I sat in our living room, trying to take it all in. I reject change in general, and was finding it hard to deal with, until my mother said 'I can see us being happy here, Daisy.' and then I realised that I was home. (sappy as that is!)

Relationships are changing. I haven't seen some of the people that I love most in the longest time (a lot of which is down to me, and I must try to do something about that). New ones are beginning, which I'm going to say very little about for fear of jinxing anything (yes, I can be superstitious when I want to be..) but we know what I'm talking about, right? :)

Things with the paternal aren't great, I've developed more of an intolerence for bullshit lately, and I can't deal with his negativity putting a downer on my happiness. Harsh, maybe..selfish, definitely but that's just how it is at the moment.

What else? Well, work is the same as ever..too much work for too few people. But am I really going to complain about work, when I'm one of the lucky ones? I don't think so..

So, I think that's it for me. For the moment anyway.

Once...twice...three times..

2009-09-09T11:33:00.009+01:00

So I've been tagged by the sexy Jelly Monster to do this '3 Things' Meme...so here goes!

Three Names You Go By

1. Claire
2.Daisy
3.Dizzle

Three Screen Names You Had

1. *Star-Girl*
2.Claire-Bear
3. Can't remember a third!

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself

1. Hair
2. Eyes
3. Tattoos / Piercings

Three Physical Things you dont like about yourself

1. Arms
2. Flat ass
3. Everything else

Three Parts of your heritage

1.Bitta culchie
2.Bitta dub
3.Bit more culchie

Three things that scare you

1.BIRDS
2.Leprechauns
3.Deep water

Three of your everyday essentials

1. Phone
2. Eyeliner
3. Eh...air??

Three things you are wearing right now

1. T-shirt saying 'miss know it all'
2.Jeans
3. Pink bra

Three of your favourite bands or musical artists

1. Paramore
2. Evanescence
3. My Chemical Romance

Three of your favourite songs right now

1. Pixie Lott - Boys and Girls
2. Paramore - I caught myself
3. Black Eyed Peas - I gotta feeling *cringe*

Three things you want in a relationship

1. Love
2. Laughter
3. Trust

Three of your favourite hobbies

1. Reading
2. Going to comedy shows
3. Anything to do with music

Three things you want to do really badly right now

1. Shower!
2. Check my farm
3. Tidy my room

Three careers you're considering / have considered

1. Childcare (don't laugh!)
2. Air-hostess
3. Eh...come back to me

Three places you want to go on vacation

1. FORKS!
2. Egypt
3. South America

Three Names you like

1.Ava
2.Edward
3.Blaize

Three things you want to do before you die

1.Robert Pattinson
2.Fall in love
3.Visit the places up there

Three Ways that you are a stereotypical girl

1. Eh..well..the obvious..ahem
2. Ditzy
3. Love pink

Three fantasy dinner guests

1.Robert Pattinson (he IS the main course and dessert though..)
2.Audrey Hepburn
3. Cartman (just for the hilarity)

Three must haves

1.Phone
2.Books
3.Photos

Sorry, sorry..

2009-07-31T00:41:00.001+01:00

I'm failing at blogging right now. I know this...I'll try to rectify this soon, but just no in a good mindframe right now. Apologies!

Belly Laughs #1 - International Comedy Club

2009-07-18T01:44:00.003+01:00

When?: Friday 17th July 2009
Where? International Comedy Club
Who?:

Tiffany Stapleton started the night. She was an unknown name to me, so I really had no idea what to expect. Her act was a little bit messy, and not entirely pulled together, but funny nonetheless. Unlike many other female comedians, Stapleton was able to connect with the whole audience (as opposed to only the other females in the room)and her comedy was intelligent and well recieved. I don't know if I'd hurry back to see her headline, but I enjoyed her act.

Dave McSavage was the next act. I've seen him before, so obviously, there was repeated material, but I find the man extremely funny. Yes, he's sarcastic, he's rude, offensive, and comes out with some things that I don't agree with. He's undeniably un-PC, but, in my opinion, there's no room for PC in comedy. His song about 'culchies' getting on the property ladder had me in hysterics, and I wasn't the only one. Despite public opinions on this man, he still got the biggest laughs of the night.

Next up was F.J. Murray. The crowd loved him, but I have to be honest, I didn't find him that funny. His jokes were amusing, but nothing I haven't heard done before. He only did a very short slot, about 10 to 15 minutes, it's possible that he would have appealed to me a bit more had he had time to get further into his act.

The final act was Brendan Riley. This guy has a great energy, he bounced around the stage, and really connected with the audience. As he said himself, we'd paid the money, he'd better make us laugh. And laugh we did. Again, like Tiffany, I wouldn't run out to see him in a headline show, but the rest of the audience seemed to love him.

And of course, I can't post this and not mention the fantastic Dean Scurry. He hosted the gig, and even the jokes of his that I've heard before had me laughing. He has an almost boyish charm, that endears the audience to him immediately. Constantly bouncing around the stage, he is brilliant at getting the crowd going, and getting them ready for the next act. Possibly one of my favourite comedians!

Cos this is THRILLER!!

2009-07-17T02:05:00.001+01:00

You so know this was the guy on the right's idea...look at those moves!

A year in the blink of an eye..

2009-07-16T23:59:00.004+01:00

I completely missed my blog's 1st birthday...it was back on the 6th of this month..and tomorrow marks one year to the day that I started the job!

Quick review: Burned Alive - Souad

2009-07-05T01:20:00.002+01:00

Lent to me by Evil Vampire Penguin, Burned Alive isn't the usual type of book that I read. I wouldn't have picked it up in a bookstore, it wouldn't have jumped out at me. That said, I will read anything, and since Sarah and myself generally like the same things, I gave it a look.

It's not a new book, you may have heard of it, or read it. But for those of you that haven't, Burned Alive tells the true story of a girl, who calls herself Souad. She was able to write it because of repressed memory therapy, and so the story can seem sketchy and vague at times.

Souad, at the age of seventeen, commits the worst crime imaginable to her strict Palestinian family. She falls in love with her neighbour, loses her virginity out of wedlock, and falls pregnant. Betrayed by her beloved, she tries to hide her pregnancy for as long as she can, but, inevitably, she is found out.
With her family deeply shamed, they decide that to get their honour back, Souad must be killed. What follows is absolutely horrific. She is doused in petrol, and set alight.
She is rescued by some women in her community, and left in hospital. She recieves no care from the medical staff, and is treated with scorn and distaste. However, luckily for Souad, an aid worker takes on her case, and, eventually, manages to get Souad and her young baby out of the country, and into a hospital in Switzerland. From there, she begins to get her life back on track.

I'm not going to go into more detail, in case anyone reading this post decides to try the book. I will just say that it ends on a happy note, with Souad getting the better life that so many of the women from The West Bank deserve, but don't recieve.

Sometimes hard to believe, sometimes sad, always shocking, this is a book I'm glad to have read. It has opened my eyes wide to the suffering of women still treated lower than second class citizens.

(No rating for this book, I feel it would be slightly crude to rate a story like this..)

What a load of aul..

2009-07-03T00:33:00.003+01:00

*** Warning - contains strong language and badly expressed opinions***

Swearing.

It's not big.
It's not clever.
It's not appropriate.
But we're all guilty of it.

This post is prompted by a group discussion about the 'c' word (I'm aware that some people are sensitive about that particular word, so I won't type it in full...we all know what it is.) It started simply with the question 'Does it offend you'? and the responses were varied and quite interesting. Very few people said that they weren't offended by it, some said that they were, but weren't quite sure why, and the rest insisted that they were indeed offended by it.

Swear words are funny old things though, aren't they? Where did they come from? Like...who thought up the word 'fuck' and decided that it would be an offensive word, a vulgar term that would be used to insult someone? And for all the other swear words that you know, the same applies. Who gave these simple words that power?

Some argue that it's not the words themselves that can be offensive, but the intent. That 'fuck you!' said with malice behind it is far more offensive than the same words said in a jesting, or apathetic way.
Others say that the words themselves are the problem, and are just unncessary, not to be used.
I tend to agree with the former. Swear words, to me, are just like any other. The person saying them is the one who puts the meaning behind them. The words alone are nothing.

One thing noticeable about swearing is that it's a lot less taboo than it once was. In my opinion, anyway. It's frowned upon, certainly, but it is accepted, however uncomfortably, by today's society. It's not shocking to hear someone use 'fuck' or 'shit' or 'bollix' in their everyday conversations. Which, in one way, is a good thing. It lessens the offending power of the words. I do, however, shudder everytime I hear a child of any age telling someone to 'piss off' or 'get the fuck away from me, ye bastard!'. The downsides of a society open to swearing, I suppose..

Before I wrap up this already rambly post, I'd like to go back to the 'c' word. I want to know just why so many people find it offensive. Of those asked, they stated it's because it's a derogatory term for female genitals. Fair enough, this is true.

But...what about words like 'dick(head)', 'prick', 'bollix', 'knob'...all swear words, all insults. All derogatory terms for men's bits. And yet there's nowhere near as much stigma surrounding those words. Should men get all uppity and offended whenever one of those words are used now?

And then, there's arsehole...

(see Lette's Blog for her take on swearing)

..can you keep it?

2009-06-28T10:45:00.002+01:00

Song of the week

2009-06-25T22:39:00.004+01:00

Loving this - 'Mama Do' by Pixie Lott! Enjoy..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNHRUOF0j-8

(Edited to delete video - was stretching out the page)

Quick review: Handle With Care - Jodi Picoult

2009-06-24T00:38:00.010+01:00

The name 'Jodi Picoult' always jumps out at me in bookstores. It genuinly excites me when she releases a new book. Although some of her books are, admittedly, a bit similar, and repetitive, every so often she'll bring out a novel that blows me away. 'My Sister's Keeper' was one. 'Nineteen Minutes' is another.

Her latest book, 'Handle With Care', in my opinion, follows the above in the list. And now I'm going to attempt to do a quick review of it.

Willow O'Keefe is the same as any other six year old girl. She loves her family, loves playing, and loves life. Unlike any other six year old girl however, she suffers from a severe case of Osteogenesis Imperfecta (Brittle Bone disease). She risks breaking bones from doing as little as sneezing, or rolling over in bed.
Her parents, Charlotte and Sean are paying money hand over fist for everything she needs to help her in everyday tasks, and it's putting a strain on their marriage. Willow's sister Amelia feels invisible, and is compelled to do things that make her be seen.

Financial relief is offered in the form of a lawsuit. (This is what Picoult does best after all.) All Charlotte has to do is file a wrongful birth case against the doctor she was seeing during her pregnancy. The doctor, however, also happens to be her best friend. She has to lie to her daughter, and tell the world that, given the option at the time, she would have had an abortion.

Picoult really is at her best here, asking the difficult questions...could you make someone that you love believe that you wish they'd never been born, if it made their life better in the long run? How far exactly would you be willing to go just for the payout? Could you betray a best friend? Lie to your children? Risk losing your spouse?

Completely absorbing, with a completely unexpected twist to the tale, I would without a doubt encourage you to read this book...if you're a fan of Picoult's already, then you're sure to love it, and if you haven't read anything by her before, then it's a great way to start! 4 stars!

Random Picture Day #1

2009-06-20T02:33:00.010+01:00

Myself and Evil Vampire Penguin roaming around town and Dundrum armed with the camera results in this...

Twinkle, twinkle...

2009-06-17T20:18:00.006+01:00

You'll have heard about the girl with the stars tattooed on her face. It's all over the interweb by now. Twitter was buzzing with it today, it's being posted about on forums, blogs, it's on the radio. So, it's safe to say, unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard about it, right?

In case you haven't though, in a nutshell, 18 year old Kimberley Vlaeminck from Belgium is pressing charges of assault and battery against tattoo artist Rouslan Tounamiantza. She claims to have asked him to tattoo 3 small stars by her left eye. Apparently though, she fell asleep while being tattooed, and when she woke up, he had done 56 stars down the side of her face instead. (The full story is here.)

Now, I generally dont have strong reactions to stories on the news, especially when they don't affect me, but this one makes my blood boil. As far as I'm concerned, this girl is nothing but a liar. And a bad one at that. Her claims are flimsy, and she hasn't thought them through at all.

This is obvious for a few reasons.

Firstly...I have tattoos. They hurt. If you have them yourself, you'll know. If you don't, I'm sure you know someone who does. Ask anyone, they will tell you the same thing. They're not overly painful, but they are too painful to sleep through. It'd be like trying to sleep while someone is sticking a pin into your face, repeatedly, in quick succession. Even if she was drunk, I highly doubt she'd have slept through it. I'm not even going to address the claim that she was drugged before the tattoo was done, it's just too laughable to even consider taking seriously.

Secondly...before a tattoo artist begins the actual tattoo, he or she will create a stencil of the design, and transfer it onto your skin. It's a required guideline. So, for Tounamiantza to have accurately drawn those stars, he would have had to make a transfer for them. Which Vlaeminck would have been able to see. In fact, she would have had to approve it before the actual tattoo was done. This again completely undermines her argument that she didn't know about them.

Thirdly...I don't know much about facial tattoos, nor do I particularly want to, but I do know that as a rule, tattoo artists are at least, extremely reluctant to do them. I know of many places and artists who refuse point blank to do them, for reasons such as this. It is possible that Tounamiantza had no such qualms, but still...I just don't believe he would have tattood freestyle over someone's face like that.

None of it makes sense. Why would someone tattoo all over someone's face like that without permission? The repercussions are almost immediate, you have almost no chance of getting away with it, and you're reputation would be in tatters. Which is why I honestly believe her claims are false.

I would imagine the tattoo didn't turn out as fantastic or original as she had pictured it. Or the reactions she got to it were far from what she had hoped. And so she decided to cry foul, and risk bringing someone else's career and reputation down at the same time.

Grow.The.Fuck.Up.

I have to say 'fair play' to the artist for agreeing to pay half of the laser surgery costs to get the stars removed. If it was me, I'd be leaving her to suffer with her mistake. She wouldn't get a penny.

Maybe the pain of the removal surgery, and the constant reminder when she looks in the mirror everyday will make her think twice before she makes such a childish, irresponsible, and downright hateful decision again. I hope she gets everything she deserves.

Hush, Little Baby....

2009-06-10T11:49:00.006+01:00

I'm not a fan of summer. It means overly warm weather, which in turn leads to far too much pasty flesh on show, sweaty people in sleeveless tops and flip flops, flies, midgies and, worst of all...children. Lots and lots of children.

Work is like a creche at the moment. There must have been some sort of aphrodisiac slipped into the local water supply last year, because people have been popping brats out left, right, and, aptly enough, centre! You can't hear yourself think over the noise of screaming babies, impatient parents and squeaky pram wheels.

I'm not comfortable around the children type things. It's well known that I have an intolerence for them. You would think I'd be used to them considering my mother used to co-run a playschool for the majority of my childhood, but no, I'm not. I just don't know what to do with them.
I've tried talking to them. I tried having a discussion with a two year old about the current economic climate the other day, but all I got in response was a blank look and a line of drool (imagine the result I got with the eighteen month old and the election discussions..)

I can just about deal with the younger ones. A wave and a smile keeps their simple little minds happy. It's the older ones that I can't stand. The precocious (CHECK SPELLING) little brats who prance around, demanding attention while mummy and daddy smile indulgently at each other (and everyone else around them) marvelling in what a little prodigy they've created. Eh, yeah...you're gifted little darling probably spends half it's time snacking on whatever if pulls from it's snout...real winner there!

Ummm..unintentional rant over!

So anyway...I suggest a petition to ban all children under the age of eleven from all public places. (When they reach twelve, they should be tested to see if they can be accepted into society with minimal distress for everyone else...)

Who's with me??

How careless we are..

2009-06-07T00:10:00.001+01:00

Speaks for itself.

Cry Me A River..

2009-05-25T10:38:00.003+01:00

It's widely known that compassion is not one of my strong points. I don't fall for sob stories, I'm usually devoid of sympathy. I'm the sort of person who has to put actual effort into suppressing laughter when somebody falls. And I don't feel guilty if a sneaky snigger slips out. It's just who I am.

Working where I work, doing what I do, I hear many tales of woe. They vary from the meaningless, such as a bad back, to the serious, like someone dying..(I'm considering moonlighting as an agony aunt..)
Generally, I half-listen, nod repeatedly, and make the appropriate noises. On a good day, I might even go to the added effort of paying attention. But I'm never really there. My would-be ass is in the chair, but my mind is in a galaxy far, far away.

Truth be told, I just dont care.

Every so often though, there's one story, one person who breaks through the apathy, makes you sit back, and just leaves you despairing for the wreck that is today's society. (Just for the record, I do know what's going on, I've heard the stories, and yes, I realise that the abuse, and crimes committed are beyond words. I am in no way comparing this story to those offences.)

An elderly lady regulary comes into the shop. I know her from my primary school days, she brought us our corned beef sandwiches and milk at lunch times. A harmless old soul, she was almost part of the furniture, and well liked by all.
With all the faces she's seen, and all the pupils she's watched walk out of the school, she still remembered me when she saw me. Or claimed to, at least. (I'd like to think she does, even though as a pupil I sort of faded into the background)

Anyway...she was doing her shopping the other day. She came to me, and as I helped her pack her stuff up, she chatted to me. At first, I did the usual, non-committal smiles, a nod here and there. But then she said something that made me listen.

She'd been robbed.

The details are sketchy, I was trying to listen while very aware that I had a queue of increasingly impatient people. But, basically, a group of younger boys (she said boys, I'm going to assume it was a mixed group though) broke into her home, and helped themselves to €700 that she'd been saving. To go to Lourdes. She's 87. Though it actually saddens me to think it, this was very possibly her last opportunity to go.

Ashamedly, my first thought was 'Shoulda put it in the bank, shouldn't ya!'. But I felt sickened, and just awful for this woman. And it really made me wonder what kind of people are we creating? I cannot fathom how someone could even contemplate stealing anything, let alone something of that amount. If it's not yours, you don't take it.

Sometimes, most of the time, I think maybe I'm better off being the way I am. It saves a lot of heartache, right?

(Sorry for the long, rambly post, it was originally handwritten at 3am, and I don't believe in editing my thoughts!)

Once in a New Moon..

2009-05-19T15:17:00.005+01:00

(see what I did there?) I know none of you care, but I do, and it's my blog so nyeh!

First official promo poster for New Moon!! Only 6 months to go!!

The greatest man I never knew...

2009-05-17T00:50:00.004+01:00

I always wanted to be one of those girls who had the best daddy. The kind of daddy who took you out at weekends for special days out. Who was overprotective, because he cared. Who you could turn to when things got rough, and the kind who could make it all better with a hug. You know the type...I don't know if they exist in the real world, or if they're just something that someone dreamt up, but I wanted that.

We don't always get what we want though, do we?

So, what's prompting this blog? Well...I had dinner with him this evening. Not a big deal, you might think, apart from the fact that it was the first contact we've had since just before Christmas..

We met, we sat, we ate, and we chatted, but it was different somehow. I couldn't feel any father / daughter connection. It was like two distant friends meeting after a long time, catching up, each telling stories, neither really listening to the others. It wasn't unpleasant, but it's not something I couldn't live without. Perhaps the most shocking (and least shocking in a weird way) was the realisation that even after all of that time, I didn't really miss his presence all that much..

What does that say about me as a daughter??

Stand by me[me]...

2009-04-29T16:08:00.003+01:00

Here are the rules:

1) Put the link of the person who tagged you on your blog: I am Steph
2) Write the rules.
3) Mention 6 things or habits of no real importance about you.
4) Tag 6 persons adding their links directly.
5) Alert the persons that you tagged them.

So, without further adieu...

-I get really, really irritated when people spell my name wrong. It's C-l-a-i-r-e..and yes, it does matter!

-I have an intolerence for text speak. Just don't do it.

-I love looking at people. Not in a weird, stalkery 'I'm contemplating killing you' type of way. I just like looking at people's faces.

-I'm extraordinarily messy. It's an illness..

-I have weird, bendy fingers. Like, I can bend the tips of my fingers (just before the bit with the nail) all at the same time, without touching them. It's gross. I freak people out with the way I bend my legs when I sit too apparently.

-I have a slight obsession with all things circus related, and even got asked to join once. Well..twice, but it was only the one occasion.

So, there we have it! I think everyone's already been tagged to do this by now, so I'm not gonna tag anyone, but if you wanna do it...well, off ye go!

Mona Lisas and mad hatters...

2009-04-29T15:32:00.005+01:00

"..Never take it seriously.

If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt.

If you never get hurt, you always have fun,

And if you ever get lonely..just go to the record store, and visit your friends.."

insert appropriate blog title here

2009-04-26T15:48:00.005+01:00

Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?

2009-04-21T21:06:00.010+01:00

"This used to be a funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns

9, 8, 7, 6 5 4, 3, 2, 1, fun"

No doubt about it, P!nk knows how to put on a show, and how to do it well. Last night's concert was one of the best I've ever been to. If not THE best.

I should probably say something about the support act.. (who was NOT Lady GaGa as I had been told - disgusted is not even the word..guh.) They were enjoyable, but much the same as any other support group...the songs blended into each other, they got the crowd going by making numerous references to the headline act, and they stayed on a little bit too long. They also came on late, which resulted in the already impatient 'mosh pit' becoming irritated and more bitchy than necessary. (check them out here: Raygun Myspace page)

But, anyway, they came, they sang, we jumped and whooped, and they were gone.

Then, I decided to take a little trip to the paramedic. Yep...I nearly fainted BEFORE P!nk even came on. That's how hardcore I am. If it's never happened to you...almost fainting in the pit, and being hauled over the barrier is rather horrible..and embarrassing. And there is no graceful way to do it..(always wanted to try it though, so I suppose I can tick it off my 'to do' list..)
After the paramedic was happy that I was ok, and had given out to me for trying to live off a yoghurt for the day, he sent me back out to the crowd to fend for myself..

And so the show really began!

The stage was like a carnival funhouse (go figure) on steroids, complete with slides, and huge, creepy inflated clown and devil court jester type things. She performed all the favourites, including a truly gorgeous acoustic version of Family Portrait, which resulted in a few tears from the people around me.

It's these parts of the concert that show you just how much talent this girl really has. She doesn't have to rely on flashy lights and sparkly costumes...all she had at that time was two backing singers, and an acoustic guitar, and it really was captivating.

Unsurprisingly though, my absolute favourite part was when all the circus acts appeared. Acrobats, Cord Lisse performers, and P!nk herself on a trapeze way above the crowd. Of course, due to my love and obsession of all things circus, I was instantly spellbound. I don't think I heard half of what she sang, I was just too busy watching everything. Again, she surpassed all by singing live (and she was live, you could hear her voice catching every so often, it wasn't recorded..) while flinging herself from a trapeze, somersaulting and spinning through the air.

And, as if all that wasn't good enough, she completed it all with a brilliant cover of Bohemian Rhapsody (I'm wondering how many casualties were caused by the simultaneous head banging..), and the finale, with my song of the moment, Glitter In The Air (which you can hear in my previous blog, by the way..)

She's coming back in October to do it all again, I'm seriously considering going to it, and I would recommend everyone else go to it too. It's spectacular!

It's only half past the point of no return..

2009-04-21T18:42:00.002+01:00

Song of the moment...I can't get it out of my head..

Gorgeous..

It's funny cos it's true...

2009-04-19T21:48:00.003+01:00

Thanks to the Jelly Monster..

2009-04-10T02:47:00.009+01:00

Well, thanks to Jelly Monster, I have to get my brain out of it's box, dust it off, and think of things I wish I'd 'thunk' of...hmmm..

Movie

Eek...that's a toughie. Think I'm gonna have to go with Little Miss Sunshine. I just love how it's not a typical 'Hollywood' film, with the gorgeous people and happy go lucky plotline. And anything with Steve Carell gets my seal of approval! Song

Emm...this changes by the minute, but I'm going to have to say Songbird (my favourite being the Eva Cassidy version). It's just such an amazing song, the lyrics are simple, but beautiful. Team that with Cassidy's haunting, pitch perfect voice, and you're on to a winner!

Chocolate Bar

Had to play eeny meeny miney mo with this one...and the result was...*drumroll*..Galaxy! The ultimate girly chocolate bar...and oh, the different ways you can have it. Caramel, nuts, Minstrelised, Rippled...need I go on?? So yeah...I wish I'd 'thunk' of Galaxy!
Invention

Well...since English Mum has already claimed make up, I'm going to have to pick something else (but I would've picked that..) I'm going to be completely girly and shallow here, and say, high heels. They always make your outfit better, they make you walk straighter, make you taller, and make your legs look thinner. What's not to like?? (I want the shoes, and the legs, in this picture!)

Event

Oh my God...this one is quite difficult. Is it cheating if I take inspiration from English Mum's and say Live 8? I wasn't really around for the first one, so I can't remember it. I did however, stay up all night watching the Live 8 concerts (ok, so I was watching it all in hopes of seeing one band in particular, but still...)..fuck it, if it is cheating, I don't care, I'm saying it anyway! I wish I'd thunk of Live 8!

Ok! Now, to tag people. I'm going to choose Whoopsadaisy, Paddy In England and Laughy Kate. No pressure folks, I don't care if you actually do it or not, but I had to pick someone!

Meme. Done.

This kind of made me want to cry a little bit..

2009-04-07T01:50:00.007+01:00

Stupid hormones have a lot to answer for...

I just feel all sorry for that poor dog, waiting for his owner to come home from college...poor lil thing!

J'aurais voulu ne pas mourir. J'aurais voulu ne jamais grandir...

2009-04-01T00:58:00.018+01:00

"Quidam, a nameless passerby, a solitary figure lingering on a street corner, a person rushing past, a person who lives lost amidst the crowd in an all-too-anonymous society"

Skipping out of the o2 tonight, it was almost like waking up from a vivid, amazing dream. Everyone around me was buzzing, wide eyes and smiles surrounding. Tonight, we all saw something we'd never seen before, something special, something spectacular.

I've been waiting for a Cirque du Soleil show to come to Ireland ever since I heard about the group I don't know how many years ago. I have a love of all things bizarre and circus-y, and from there, an obsession formed. And tonight, finally, the obsession was fed.

The main character, Zoe, a bored, impatient with everything she's seen, child takes us into her imagination, an Alice In Wonderland type place, with everything from clowns, and trapeze (sorry, cloud swing!) artists, to walking targets and a man with a hat, and umbrella, but no head.

The show was perfect, from start to finish. From the moment Zoe's parents started levitating in their chairs, it was obvious that this was a show like no other. The level of skill and obvious dedication those performers have is extraordinary. The balance of humour (with John the clown) and breathtaking stunts (my favourite being the Banquine) was impeccable, the music creating the perfect atmosphere, and background performers ensuring that there was always something to look at.

The one negative I have is nothing to do with the show itself. More to do with o2 and their stupid rules...no cameras allowed. I tried, of course, to break this rule but I was caught by an usher. I tried again, but it was too dark to get any decent shots, and I didn't want to risk using my flash. Rather annoying, my way of thinking is, if I pay 70e for a ticket to a show, I want to take pictures and remember it. Grr!

Below are just pictures of the...unbelievable performances I just saw...not mine, but they're still amazing!

Zoe and her levitating parents

German Wheel

Diabolos

Handbalancing

Aerial Hoops

Statue

Cloud Swing

Contortion

Skipping Ropes

Spanish Webs

Banquine 1

Banquine 2

Now...if you'll excuse me, I'm off to run away with the circus!

Just because...

2009-03-30T00:14:00.003+01:00

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

- Robert Frost

You know when you think someone who's not that cute is cute?

2009-03-28T00:39:00.004Z

It's like..you know you shouldn't, but you do?

This is mine:

In Dublin's fair city..

2009-03-19T14:51:00.017Z

Making the most of the bizarre weather we had yesterday (welcome back Mr. Sun, my old friend! Please stay awhile..), I dragged a friend of mine to Pheonix Park, to explore! (truth be told, we went to play on the swings, but they were taken over by those 'children' type things..)

We started off by crawling up the hill to the old Magazine Fort (friend thought it was hilarious that they had a fort for magazines during wars and stuff...until I explained what a magazine is..)

We followed a pretty little stream...

Which led to a bitch of a hill...but it was nice at the top..:

We found a tree to play on! (yes, we are just big children...)

But then my friend fell out of said tree, so we left that, and found some deer:

And a big rock..which we stood on, and did our vampire poses (as you do..)

And a bench...where we did the same! (I was not ready when she took this one!)

We were tired then, so we headed home, as the sun started to set over the magazine fort!

Lyrical Nonsense

2009-03-16T12:22:00.003Z

Always surprising what putting pen to paper will result in...

Flawed imperfections, clouded reflections,
Showing hidden curled lips, spiralling eyes, making you
Less than nothing, valueless, priceless, you're
Meaninglessly searching for a rhythm, heartbeat that hints at relief from the constant battering of the air and breath of the perfection which you strive to touch, to feel within your grasp.

Peers on raised pedestals, an arms length above your head
Look on in pity as you struggle.
Hands extending but never quite grasping, a taste, a morsel, never savoured.
Smiling mouths reach frowning eyes.

A sweet sting, metal on satin, fire, danger and passion released.
A silver song, piercingly sweet, short in length, but neverending in memory...
Each note gasps, relief in each breath.
The flawed relfections in a tarnished mirror broken suddenly, spiralling, become beloved friends.

My new toy...

2009-03-14T00:01:00.003Z

The countdown begins..

2009-03-11T01:52:00.005Z

You can expect lots of the above from the end of march...be warned! The fact that its released on my birthday just makes it so much more awesome...

(yes, I am aware that I'm a big vampire loving nerd..)

I adore this..

2009-03-10T07:14:00.002Z

especially when the girl (not sure of a name) starts singing..enjoy!

Mixed and muddled up..

2009-03-07T23:51:00.003Z

Is it normal to miss someone that you have no desire to see on a daily, or even weekly basis?

Surely it's strange to love someone that you dislike immensely? (hate is too strong a word for this instance..)

It can't be right to want to cut someone completely out of your life, while the thought of doing it is impossibly hard to bear, surely?

It's fucked up to dread hearing from someone, but to long for just a text or a voicemail to let you know that they're ok and they know and care that you're still alive and well, right?

Isn't it ironic that the one thought you shove out of your mind and close the door on is the one thought that finds the only open window and climbs in at the most surprising moments?

(Isn't this just one of the most stupid blog posts you've ever read??)

Nobody is safe...

2009-03-05T20:44:00.003Z

from the slutty raccoon...

What I wanna know is...how did the raccoon and its friends get served in a bar in the first place...?

Strange things make me smile...

2009-03-04T01:15:00.005Z

I'm kinda loving this...

I cracked! (again...)

2009-03-02T23:48:00.003Z

Just in case I wasn't spending enough time online...

I got Twitter..

Whatever will be, will be..

2009-03-01T16:11:00.003Z

I have had a dog, a family pet, in the past, but she's gone now. There will be another one, a beautiful one, in my future.

There is a dark haired man by the name of Derek in my future, who I will have a close, but not intimate, relationship with.

Apparently, and this is not my fault, two dark haired men (it's all about the dark haired men!) will fall in love with me. I might already know one of them, and I will be holding hands with him by the end of march (he's a lovely guy too, apparently...)

I am going to have three children.

I am going to run a creche. My career is definately going to be looking after other people's childen (plus the three of my own..)

I will live in a house, with no gates, but it will have a driveway (?)

I will feel the pinch of the recession at around April/May, but I shouldn't worry because I will get through it.

I have a very generous mother, who is an angel, and she is going to come into money at the end of summer.

I'm also a beautiful person, on the inside and out, and very gentle. I will get a lot stronger in the next year.

Or at least, that's what the fortune teller told me yesterday....

Gimme gimme!!

2009-03-01T01:21:00.003Z

I must have this...(all I need to do is find €400 and drop down to a size 6...no problem..)

Umm...coo coo?

2009-02-24T14:17:00.003Z

One of the stranger (and grosser) sites I've been shown...

www.pigeonporn.com

Really nothing I can say...apart from..why???

Meh?

2009-02-23T14:43:00.003Z

Do you ever feel like just giving up? Like lying there and letting the world wash over you?

I have no idea where this apathy for life in general has sprung from, I woke up with it today, and I'll no doubt pull myself together and push it to the back of wherever at some stage. That's just what I do.

But right at this very moment, I'm finding it very difficult to fake an interest in this mundane, grey, loveless existance..

Ignore me...it's just a downer, I'll get over it.

New me!

2009-02-21T03:23:00.003Z

Ok...so earlier's panic is over, thanks be to Google! I fixed it, and now, in my opinion anyway, my blog is much much prettier!

I've also changed the name. When I started this blog, I initially intended for it to be an outlet from work, and to post about all the oh so hilarious things that happened to me there. But nothing funny happened...or at least not enough to fill a blog.

So now it's just me...shop girl is gone, long live the daily daydreamer! (apt, no?)

For anyone who has me in their blogroll, please change the name (and the link...) to the new, updated blog! Thanks! :)

I broke my blog!!

2009-02-21T02:40:00.003Z

Arrgh!! I'm so frustrated right now!!

I was playing around with my blog, trying out new layouts (from other sites...)
and NOW, my 'Layout' tab is gone, and it's a 'Template' tab instead, and I don't know how to get it back to the way it was and I'm stuck with this dotty..yoke of a layout that I don't want!!

Arghhhh!!!

Help???

This could be my new favourite song..

2009-02-20T15:46:00.002Z

Loving it!

Fail? I'm not so sure...

2009-02-20T00:54:00.002Z

Seems like a brilliant idea to me...no?

Friday the 13th (the film, not the day...)

2009-02-20T00:36:00.001Z

So, me and a friend decided to go to the cinema tonight. Being fluffy girly film type girls (see previous film review for proof..), we had our hearts set on Confessions of A Shopaholic. I've read the books, liked them, so was optimistic.

After a brief stop in Tesco, for yummy liquid treats (Yop anyone?) and a mango, we headed off...power walking to Cineworld.

In the queue, giggling and chattering, I saw something. Something awful. Confessions etc etc was sold out!! We decided to try our luck anyway, and it turned out there was like..one seat left. I asked the guy if I could just sit on my friend's knee...and he laughed at me. I don't think he realised that I was serious....

So we decided to see Friday 13th...yeah, we're both big wimps, afraid of our own shadows but a film is a film...so with trepidation we headed in, found our seats (at the back, by the wall, in front of the stairs so we could make a hasty escape should a crazed Jason leap out of the screen at us), Yops to hand, and jackets to cover our eyes with. Yep, we were all set.

In case you haven't noticed yet, I'm rambling to hide the fact that there is actually no review here...

I would love to be able to give you a review for this, I really would. But...I can't. Because even when I wasn't cowering in fear behind my coat, I was too terror stricken by what I was seeing to even focus enough on anything to put in a review. I was screaming at one of the ads before the actual film started...

I left the cinema pale, shaking, and not in the least bit impressed with the prospect of the walk home from town (walking off the Yop y'see..) and I also left with one question burning in my mind: Why won't Jason fuck off and die already?!

Enjoy the film!

I kinda love this..

2009-02-15T15:09:00.002Z

I just got poked!

2009-02-14T19:17:00.001Z

Well...a bit more than poked actually...I got a bit of metal rammed through my tongue! Yes folks...I FINALLY worked up the courage to get my tongue pierced, and I'm all happy now...

I'd take a picture but it's all swollen and icky at the moment...I can't eat for 3 weeks, same goes for alcohol, and tea!! and I can't speak properly, but it's so worth it!!

Yay!!!

Rock-a-bye-baby...

2009-02-13T12:10:00.001Z

Having children when you're younger is becoming increasingly popular. So many people in their late teens and early twenties are popping 'em out left right and centre (if the amount of squalling brats running around my job are anything to go by anyway...) I see it everyday in work, people my own age, a few years older, and scarily, a few years younger with one and two children trailing behind them. But it's not shocking anymore, it's the norm.

But where do we draw the line? How young really is too young? Sixteen? Fifteen? How about thirteen?

Because that's the age of one of England's newest fathers, Alfie Patten. His fifteen year old girlfriend gave birth to their daughter Maisie four days ago. Let that sink in.

Now...he was twelve when this child was conceived. She was fourteen. What are children this age doing even thinking about sex, let alone having it, and in the process, spawning a child??? Shouldn't he be too interested in his Playstation, or Xbox or whatever it is twelve year olds are interested in?

He claims to want to be a good father, and I quote: "I didn't know what it would be like to be a dad. I will be good, though, and care for it." but he also doesn't really know how to afford it, saying, and I think this is the most telling of all : "I don't really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10,"

I think it's safe to say that this child will be raised by the grandparents, who, sadly, are still trying to raise her parents at the same time. Not very successfully if this is anything to go by...

Read the article here...

He's just not that into you..

2009-02-10T01:16:00.002Z

Ok, so here it is:

Warning: MAJOR chick-flick alert! He's just not that into you (based on the book of the same name, by Greg Behrendt of Oprah fame..) is a laugh out loud rom-com, with all the happy ending, feel-good gooeyness that a good chick flick needs.

It follows the stories of the desperate for love GiGi (Ginnifer Goodwin - Walk the Line), happily unmarried Neil (Ben Affleck), and his not so happily unmarried partner Beth (Jennifer Aniston), internet romantic Mary (Drew Barrymore), the would-be cheat Ben (Bradley Cooper - Yes Man) and his neurotic wife Janine (Jennifer Connolly), temptress Anna (Scarlett Johansson), and the man hopelessly in lust with her, Connor (Kevin Connolly)
Still with me? Good...
Throw Alex (Justin Long) in as the straight talking voice of logic, and you got...well, not movie magic, but a lot of big names and a decent film!

It has a lot of what you'd expect, the usual girly film way of making men out to be the spawn of satan, with all their male ways (boo hiss and the like...) but this is kinda equalised by Anna (Johannson), the brazen hussy one, and I found her to be very unlikeable as a character (but whether or not this is just a general dislike of Johansson in general, I don't know..)

Justin Long, as Alex, is the one to watch, playing the role of sarcastic (but caring!) love cynic to perfection, of course, delivering the line we all love to hate: 'he's just NOT that into you!!' (I think I fell a little bit in love with him by the end though...)

Ginnifer Goodwin is also fantastic, playing the hopeless romantic, just looking for love. I think we've all been her at one stage or another, which makes her so likeable. I couldn't help but cringe as she made excuses for her disastrous dates ('maybe he lost my number' or 'he's sick'...sound familiar??) and left the babbling message on the voicemail...she's genuinly endearing, and a great character.

All of the other performances are delivered well, as you would expect from such names (apart from possibly Barrymore's, it seemed a bit underplayed, and IMO there wasn't much need for her character at all..)

And of course, as I said before, you get the Hollywood happy ending that we all so secretly love, So hey...go see it. Even if it is just a chance for director Ken Kwapis to drop some heavy names...it's 2 hours of fluff that'll keep you entertained and put a smile on your face. I give it six and a half out of ten...

So! There it is...my overdue and first ever review. And now you see why I don't write them!

P.S. - Interested to see what any guys think of this movie...if they can be dragged into it, of course!

Thirsty, anyone?

2009-02-08T20:32:00.001Z

This ad just freaks me out...even more so than the cadbury kids with the eyebrows (why??)

How do you eat yours??

2009-01-30T22:16:00.001Z

Well, if you're me, you don't. You avoid the most vile, repulsive creation to ever bear the Cabdury's logo since Turkish Delight like the plague.

Everything about the things disgust me...the icky gooey crappy creme stuff inside, the chocolate (cos it tastes like the creme), the spelling (for some reason, the word 'creme' makes me feel queasy...not the substance, just the spelling...) the garish wrappers...I just despise them!

But...even I found this really really cute and far funnier than I should have...watch!

Bahahahahahaa..

Paranoid much?

2009-01-28T00:21:00.001Z

As a rule, I would have quite a suspicious, paranoid nature. I try to sugar coat it, and call myself 'imaginative' but, let's call a spade a spade, and a shovel a shovel...I'm just a big paranoid freak type person...(just to balance..I'm pretty sure I have some good qualities too...hopefully anyway..)

But I'm always very aware of my surroundings, always looking over my shoulder, cos who knows? That old man with the walking stick that can barely hobble two inches without breaking his hip (again) COULD possibly have an evil master plan to haul me down some dark alley and have his wicked way with me (broken hip or not...) and then stride off, unaided, like some sort of low budget, Irish Keyser Soze, while I'm left in a quivering heap on the ground...

......(dramatic pause).......

Ok...so while I'm sure the above has about a 1% chance of actually happening, I'm just trying to give you an example of the bizarre things that run through my mind. Especially walking along. Alone. At night. Through the questionable part of Dublin that I live in. Which I do far too often.

I did it tonight, and I was all too aware of the phone in my pocket, the bag in my hand, which contained my laser card (with access to my for once not empty bank account) my beloved iPod, and all my make up, house keys etc etc...
I was convinced the hoodie who was walking in front of me was going to hide behind that wall and pounce...I was planning my attack (I have the upper body strength of a dead baby knat, but I reckon I could give a decent kick if my trusty Vans were up to it..)
When I made it safely past him, the next suspect was the car pulling up beside me...but nope, that was safe too...so it had to be the guy coming down the steps outside his house...

Happily, I made it home, unattacked, safety and paranoia intact! Now I just have to make plans to do it all over again..............

I've been

2009-01-27T13:37:00.001Z

a very bad blogger of late (more so than usual, I mean...)

Lack of motivation is one reason, lack of ANYTHING that I could even embellish into something blog-worthy is another. Not to mention pure laziness...

What do all you others do when you get 'blog-block'?

Rainbows in my eyes..

2009-01-25T23:31:00.001Z

Ever since I first heard it, this little piece of magic brightens my monotone days whenever I hum it in my head...

(if you must, listen with your eyes closed, as I know the image might offend those of you with certain opinions...)

Feeding the obsession

2009-01-21T23:44:00.001Z

Twilight makes me happy.

Pretty things make me happy.

Shiny things make me happy too.

So...Pretty, shiny, Twilight things make me very happy!!

(there were a few pictures taken...sadly, THIS was the best one...)

And THIS is why

2009-01-20T12:07:00.001Z

I don't have a Wii...

Because I would so do that...

No blogs

2009-01-14T17:38:00.001Z

because I'm far too busy with:

and:

and:

and finally:

Just dance!

2009-01-08T22:59:00.001Z

How could you not??? (like what I did with the blog title there??)

Nigella I am not!

2009-01-06T19:45:00.001Z

I baked this evening...I had planned to do it yesterday, but I was lured out of my kitchen by Twilight...

I bought pretty new bowls, ingredients, all the makings of yummy things...

The one thing I forgot was the ability to actually combine the above and have a result that even slightly resembles something edible.

I had planned to put pictures of the yummy things I would bake up here, for you to salivate over and be in awe at my Nigella-like skills in the kitchen...

Well...I have nothing to take a picture of except a sunken down, sorry excuse for chocolate muffins. I'd love to be able to say they look like crap but taste divine....I'd love to.

So...not to disappoint... I didn't make them...but they still look yummy!!