Knife edge..

People think I'm not the worrying type. By 'people', I mean my family, the ones that should know me best. They think I'm so laid back I'm almost horizontal, and I don't get worked up over things.

They're wrong. I just keep it to myself sometimes. Sometimes I can't, and it leads to episodes, with me freaking out and falling apart and needing to be put back together again.

I worry. I worry a lot, about a lot of things. At the moment though, what's at the front of my mind, is my mother. Tomorrow, she goes into hospital for surgery, on her throat. I'm ridiculously worried about her (not that she knows, or if she does, she doesn't acknowledge it...it's just not how we do things).

I'm trying to convince myself NOT to worry, that surely it's better for her to get this surgery NOW than further down the line when it could be worse, when it might be more painful or more difficult. That it's a good thing. That it'll make her better.

But it's SURGERY. In my head, it's big. I'm lucky in that I've never had to really deal with illness in my family. That's not that there has never been illness in my family but I was younger and didn't have to deal with it because I really didn't understand what was happening. Now, I do, all too much. I've never had to deal with proper, serious surgery though. It terrifies me, if I'm honest.

It's not just the seriousness of surgery that scares me, it's the person who's having it. My mother. It's no secret that my mother is my rock, my stability when anything and everything else is shaky or falling apart. I would be ill and go to hospital and have surgery or whatever ten times, a million times over, just so she wouldn't have to do it once. I'd rather take the risk of surgery than have her even have to contemplate it. I can deal with the thoughts of myself being seriously ill far easier than having to deal with her being ill. (I'm aware that there's something oddly selfish about that but hey, it's how I feel.)

I'd really like to just fast forward to a month from now, when, all going well (and all HAS to go well, it really just HAS to), she'll be home, and recovered, almost, if not completely, and everything can go back to normal, but with her well, and my biggest complaint being work again.

I'm not the religious type, so I'll be sending all my positive vibes to her. If you're the praying kind, please, keep her in your prayers. If you're not, then please, just even spare a positive thought for her, if you remember.

Finished Picture : Bambi and Fleur :)

Unframed, one for storing..

It's only history..

I love playing tourist. It's something I don't do often enough. Sadly, in the grand scheme of life, it's just not that important.

But today, I got to play tourist. My playground? Kilmainham Gaol.

I've been there before, of course, but as a child, and I really didn't understand what I was hearing, or seeing. Growing up, I was always told about Irish history, from 1916 on mostly, and so, had an interest in it. It was one of the only sections of history in school that held my attention. (I'm a firm believer of what's in the past should stay there, usually)

It was different today. Today, I fully understood what I was seeing, and where I was. Reading letters from long dead men to their wives, walking along the freezing, eerie corridors and peeking through the doors of the bare cells, I really got a sense of life back then. It was all too easy to visualise the awful conditions the prisoners were forced to deal with, sometimes for the pettiest of crimes.

Hearing names, and being told of events past, sitting in a warm classroom is one thing, but actually, physically seeing the names, seeing the cells, it's a completely different experience.

As I progressed around the Gaol, I watched the non-Irish visitors, seeing our history through new eyes, hearing about everything for the first time, and wondered what they thought. It's by no means a pleasant history, it's bloody, and violent. Nothing I heard was new to me, and what was interesting to me and captured me the first time I heard it, are the same things that captured me today. I have the same opinions on it, though perhaps a better understanding.

There are some definite tugs on the heartstrings as you walk around. The last words of men sentenced to death for fighting for what they believed in. A yard, an excercise yard, for children, some as young as 8, sentenced to months in prison for stealing a shawl to keep them warm. Cold, bare cells, where men, women, and children were forced to live for the smallest of crimes.

And of course, for anyone who's visited, I think they'll agree, the most memorable part of the tour is in the yard, where the executions happened. Two small crosses to mark where men lost their lives. It's colder here than in any other part of the prison, and the romantic part of me liked to believe it was the ghosts of the soldiers, still with us (you can blame the late hour for that one..)

It's OUR history. It can't be changed, and it can't be taken away from us. We take it for granted. But, when we have such places, on our doorsteps, to visit, and remember, it's such a shame not to.

Finished Picture : Faerie :)

Have done loads of pictures to date, have decided to stick pics up here when I'm done with them!

This is a faerie I made for my mum (cross-stitched)

Life is..

Simple pleasures

It's the simple things that I love the most. A warm bed, especially on a cold night, after a long day. A gossipy, giggly phone call that lasts hours. A hug from my mummy when I'm feeling sad. A picnic on the beach with my fantastic boyfriend.

I think we forget to take pleasure in the smaller things in life. Sure, the big gestures, the events, they're great, and they're lovely, but it's the smaller, everyday things that should make us smile. They're what we'd miss most if they were gone.

So, take pleasure in the simple things. Enjoy an embrace from a friend, a smile from a stranger, all those kinds of things. They're what make life bearable.

Happy Love Day

Here's hoping that anyone who celebrated Valentine's Day had a fantastic day, filled with love, laughter and smiles. I know I did.