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Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Hush, Little Baby....

I'm not a fan of summer. It means overly warm weather, which in turn leads to far too much pasty flesh on show, sweaty people in sleeveless tops and flip flops, flies, midgies and, worst of all...children. Lots and lots of children.

Work is like a creche at the moment. There must have been some sort of aphrodisiac slipped into the local water supply last year, because people have been popping brats out left, right, and, aptly enough, centre! You can't hear yourself think over the noise of screaming babies, impatient parents and squeaky pram wheels.

I'm not comfortable around the children type things. It's well known that I have an intolerence for them. You would think I'd be used to them considering my mother used to co-run a playschool for the majority of my childhood, but no, I'm not. I just don't know what to do with them.
I've tried talking to them. I tried having a discussion with a two year old about the current economic climate the other day, but all I got in response was a blank look and a line of drool (imagine the result I got with the eighteen month old and the election discussions..)

I can just about deal with the younger ones. A wave and a smile keeps their simple little minds happy. It's the older ones that I can't stand. The precocious (CHECK SPELLING) little brats who prance around, demanding attention while mummy and daddy smile indulgently at each other (and everyone else around them) marvelling in what a little prodigy they've created. Eh, yeah...you're gifted little darling probably spends half it's time snacking on whatever if pulls from it's snout...real winner there!

Ummm..unintentional rant over!

So anyway...I suggest a petition to ban all children under the age of eleven from all public places. (When they reach twelve, they should be tested to see if they can be accepted into society with minimal distress for everyone else...)

Who's with me??

7 comments:

Maxi Cane said...

Yep ban them from public places, just when I'm around.

Or set up a grant scheme for baby snatchers. It'd boost the economy no end.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Not me [insert shit eating grin here]

Daily Daydreamer said...

@Maxi - Creating employment AND getting rid of the annoying little blighters...great idea!

@Xbox - SO so happy for you!

Lottie said...

I like children but I couldnt eat a whole one.

The Jelly Monster said...

Brats!! I can't stand them!!
Oh and I know a midgee dance to help keep them away, swear to buddha it works!

Holemaster said...

Small kids on learner bikes cycling diagonally into a wall at 3mph is pretty amusing though.

B said...

I've ran them over a few times in the shop, I find if you pretend to be more injured than they do, you can just about get away with it.