Monday, 12 October 2009

A note to the Past

'We are just misguided ghosts, travelling endlessly. The ones we trusted the most, pushed us far away..'

I saw you, Past. Standing there, with your friends, completely oblivious to my presence. Why wouldn't you be? It's been years since we've seen each other, possibly years since you've even thought of me. You looked exactly the same as I remember, but completely different at the same time. I could see where a little bit of who I was then rubbed off on you. I like that, in some small, barely noticable way, you still have something from me with you.

I went home with tears in my eyes after seeing your face, Past. I hate myself for letting you have such an impact on me, still, after all this time and all the promises I've made to myself that I'm 'over it'. I'm not over it.

I think we could have been really good friends, Past. Not sisters anymore, no, but friends definitely. Remember how we made each other laugh, teased each other (ironically, about our listen to my music now, watch the things I would have watched, read what I would have read..), and most importantly, how we braved the awful times together. Maybe there's just too much bad history there for you. Maybe seeing me would dredge it all back.

I hope you don't think like me, Past. I honestly hope what happened doesn't haunt you, doesn't have the power to make you cry in the dead of night. I hope that, just when you think you're doing fine, you've buried it, something doesn't come along and trip you up. I'm glad you didn't see my face. I'm glad you weren't the one who had to catch her tears amid strangers. Despite the time that's passed, I still feel far too much for you to want that.

I miss you, Past. But please, in future, could you stay there? I can't deal with facing you again.


The Jelly Monster said...

awh my pretty