Sunday, 28 December 2008

Bitchfight anyone?

I'll put my hands up and say it...I've never been in a fight with someone. At 20 years of age, living in a..questionable...part of dublin, I've never actually found myself in that situation. Maybe I will in the future. But at this particular moment in

Well...that almost all changed last night! In BIFFOLAND of all places. I mean...who expects to go to a bog and very nearly get in a bitchfight....merely because you're from Dublin? me stupid (don't!) but not me! Now...usually I'm very much a 'use your words' type of gal, so the thoughts of having to actually physically fight someone made me want to run home crying for my mammy..(which would have been a bit hard like...considering I was in Offaly. I don't think I can run that far....)

Back story? Ok!

So, myself and a friend (those who know me can guess who she is...those who don't...well it's not crucial to the story and for the sake of her privacy, I'm not going to name her) headed off to Biffoland for the being Christmas and all. Thought it would be nice to visit our other friend (again...those who know me etc etc). After a slight detour around Tullamore (twice...), we eventually arrived, and mise here decided it would be fun to go on a bar crawl (seeing as there's only about 2 bars in the town, not much crawling ensued...). We hit the first bar, and it was hopping (ahem...note sarcasm). Seemed to be a night for dissing dubs, as the cheeky bastids playing pool made a comment or two.

On to the next bar, which actually was hopping. I dropped my drink, and, mortified by the waste of alcohol, left in shame. Off to the 'nightclub' went our merry group. (I use the term nightclub loosely...) Typical nightclubby night. Friend was leched on by old icky guy out on pull. Friend dismisses old icky guy, old icky guy makes eyes at ME for the rest of the night. Puke. Then young icky guy with abnormally large head and froggy eyes does same.

Then some yoke in sprayed on shiny leggings (who invented those??? Uninvent them. Do it. Do it now!) takes a speed wobble and lands her shiny little arse all over Biffoland friend's drink. Oh dear. You silly little girly. You don't waste alcohol. Especially not when said alcohol is 2 shots of Tia Maria, 1 shot of vodka, something else, and coke. Just run. Run away now as fast as your shiny legs will take you. Well, she didn't, and she got beat down by biffoland friend. Haha bitch! (sorry...I get overexcited by the drama...I don't get out enough...*insert sad face here*)

So, after we left that sweaty, flashy, shiny legginged place, we went for the obligitory chips, and went to get a taxi. Half a freezing hour later, we get one! (in which time, old icky lech re-appears and we have to do unspeakable things to get rid of him...) Eventually, a taxi in the form of a mini-bus (only in biffo...) arrives, and we're on the road home. Kind of. We're actually on the road to everyone elses home! So, in true Dub style, mise and Dubland friend have a bit of craic and banter with whoever will listen. Mostly just ourselves and a few bemused boggers. (and a cute Dubland-Biffo mongrel...)

Then SHE arrived. Jesus but she was a bitch, and she was only spoiling for a row. I'd heard her a few times muttering to herself 'just go back to fockin dublin then...' and was gonna pull her on it, but I just wasn't stupid (or brave...) enough! Dubland friend commented on how long we'd been in said taxi, and Biffo Bitch errupts! Out of nowhere like! (well...she was on the floor, she didn't just appear but y'know what I mean!). She was vicious! Shouting and sqwauaking at Dubland friend about having 'rrrethpecth and to talk out of her mouth, not her nose' (to which she was promptly told to speak out her mouth, not her, wall, biffo bitch..bang!)
Arms were flying, legs were flying, I'm trying to hold a worked up dub down on one side, and a vicious bitch of a biffo down on t'other! And she didn't care who she hit, as long as it was a dub. ( bollix...if she'd touched either of us she'd have been a dead woman.)
Dope...taking on two drunk dub women. Pah!

Ehm...I can't remember the point of this blog now...I don't think there was one! Just thought I'd share one of my more interesting nights out here!

Love and kisses!


Niamh said...

Er sounds like a fun night was had by all :D

Shop Girl said...

@Niamh - was actually quite entertaining! I love the drama!

Darragh said...

Remind me to never ever head out on a night with you lot. Ever.

Shop Girl said...

@Darragh - Awww but we're sooo much fun :P

paddyinengland said...

sounds like you clearly insulted all the locals and then wondered why they had a go at you. and dont fuck with a girl who grew up with a hurl in one hand and a pitch fork or something in the other lol and how the hell did you get lost on the way its a straight bloody road the whole way down

Shop Girl said...

@Paddy - We did insult the locals...but we also insulted Dundalkians, DUBS (most importantly)...and it was all banter...yer wan just had something shoved up her arse...

And it's so easy to get lost when you're more interested in the radio and the people around you...2girls in a car...c'mon now!

paddyinengland said...

Checking out the farmers were ya? Think im gonna follow this blog your quite entertaining, well it beats working!

Shop Girl said...

@Paddy - Umm..yes...I love someone who can control livestock with ease...and look cool in a tractor...

Why thank you! I'm glad I amuse!